The Battle for Sleep Wages On

In the romantic comedy, Fight Club, Ed Norton's character hits the nail on its head when he explains that insomnia feels like you're never really awake and you're never really asleep. I've had insomnia and can say that this is a very, very fitting description. Thank God, I don't have insomnia anymore... but sometimes I feel like it... and this has been one of those weeks. As if it wasn't enough to challenge myself to sleep better, I had to make the self-inflicted challenge a little more interesting by introducing a big girl bed to my daughter on Monday. Needless to say, her excitement over it has resulted in less sleep for everyone this week. The only solution I found was to get her completely asleep before tucking her in each night. The only problem with this solution is that its taken 1-2 hours most of the nights this week to get her to fall asleep. So, tonight, I was bound and determined to put her self-soothing skills to the test and put her in there wide awake. Its like going back to infant days. Totally exhausting. Except now, instead of her screaming her head off until I wave the white flag, she uses her emerging frontal lobe capacities and pulls all the tricks in the book...

"Mama, I go potty!" (Yeah right... you didn't use your big girl potty all day, and now you're asking... I don't think so! You can use it tomorrow!)

"Mama, upstairs!" (We are upstairs, and even if you meant 'downstairs,' there's no chance we're going back down there tonight).

"Mama, rock!"  (I rocked you for a half hour already, for the love of God!)

I kiss her and tell her I love her for the thousandth time and then leave the room, reminding her that I will not go back in (yeah right). I go downstairs. Quiet... for thirty seconds.

"Mama, are you?" (Translation: "Mama, where are you?)

"Mama, are you?"

"Mama, are you?"

Knock, knock, knock on her door.

"Grandma!" (Ask for the next female option in the house).

"Graaaaandmaaaa!"

Melting down... melting down... total combustion.

I go upstairs, sit at her door and spend the next several minutes bargaining with her. "In your bed, head on pillow, and I'll sing you a song."... "In your bed, head on pillow, and I'll come in and kiss you goodnight." "In your bed, head on pillow, and I'll put your lullaby music on."

Several more minutes, a big hug, and a few more songs later, she finally consented. Doesn't take me long to wave my white flag. Takes her practically all night. And I'm the one who supposedly has all the good ideas? All I know is that for those parents who have babies or children for whom sleep comes easy, you don't even know what interesting games you're missing out on.

Now my turn to go to sleep. I hope, no- pray, that next week will be better with the sleeping situation for all members of this household. I am convinced that tackling sleep needs to come first in the lineup of mental health needs. Maybe I need to change my expectations.